


Mission: The Grayson-Wayne-West Nuptials

by Living_Free



Series: Slip and Slide [16]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Dami is their chick, Damian can't handle affection, Damian is in college, Dick is a huge hen, Fluff, He's a clever cookie, Humor, Jason is unseasonably warm, Multi, Wally is his rooster, Wally is the best boy, a peek into Tim Drake's daydreams, batbros, batfamily, its a batfam wedding!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-08-29 02:05:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16734969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Living_Free/pseuds/Living_Free
Summary: Its time for another Bat-wedding, and this time, Dick and Wally are tying the knot!Damian gets more love,Bruce shows affection,Stephanie manages to infiltrate Wayne Manor (again),And Wally and Dick just can't wait to walk down the aisle.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> 'Tis I, back with another multi-chaptered fic! I've been planning this one for ages, and hope that you all enjoy the Batfam's journey as Dick finally marries the man of his dreams!

It promised to be the wedding of the century. Dick Grayson Wayne would wed his longtime boyfriend (and pauper, Bruce insisted) - Wallace West of Central City. The citizens of Gotham rejoiced at the news, happy that their local celebrity and all-round good boy was going to be wed, even though it was to a non-Gothamite. 

At Wayne Manor, wedding preparations were in full swing, and Bruce was breaking down Wally's resolve to get him to move into Wayne Manor. The first task of the event was to send out wedding invitations. The whole family (plus Stephanie, how did she keep getting in, Bruce wondered), were all gathered in the sitting room to create a list. 

Dick and Wally had wanted a simple affair. A courthouse wedding and a reception with friends and family. Bruce had just looked at them and asked what he was supposed to do with the 300 antique Wayne crystal goblets that he had been storing for his kid's weddings.

And so the simple wedding was scrapped, and the formal Wayne Wedding came into full force.

Wally handed over his guest list to Bruce, but was quickly snatched up by an interrupting Damian, who perused his list carefully. "Lets see," he said authoritatively, "the various Titans, old and new, your Uncle Barry Allen and his wife, and...what's this!? The odious Hal Jordan!"

Wally smiled at Damian's inherited outrage at the Green Lantern. "Just like you have Uncle Clark as your extended family, I have my Uncle Hal. He and Uncle Barry are best friends, and they looked after me a lot, especially since my parents..." Wally broke off, looking uncomfortable.

Dick reached over and put a comforting hand over Wally's cheek, eliciting a wobbly smile from the depressed ginger. It was no secret that Wally's parents had not been attentive of their son, and many would go so far as to call them neglectful. Their parenting style was reminiscent of the late Drakes, bordering on outright emotional neglect. 

Where Tim had found his family in Bruce and his siblings, Wally had made his home with his Uncle Barry, the second Flash. Even now, Wally would skedaddle over to Barry's for a casual chat, an emotional chinwag, and even celebrated Father's Day with him. 

"Chin up, Wally," Dick said softly, "your family is where you make it. And we're so glad that you are part of ours now."

Bruce cleared his throat sentimentally. "Wallace," he growled, drawing everyone's eyes to him. "I know that we have had a fairly formal relationship thus far, and that is due to my reticence in reaching out. I would like to remedy that," Bruce said, "by welcoming you into my family as my new son."

Wally choked and hastily wiped the moisture that had built up behind his eyes. "Mr. Wayne-"

"Bruce. My children call me Bruce. Or Father. Somehow, I don't think that you'll be inclined to do the latter."

Dick swallowed a squeal and squeezed Wally's hand. Bruce was opening up emotionally! He was welcoming Wally into their family! This was the best day ever!

"Welcome to the family, bro!" Stephanie cheered, and Bruce looked faintly appalled, like someone who had been served caviar with a plastic spoon as opposed to mother of pearl spoon. 

"Yeah, welcome to Bruce's little Bat Club," Jason said. "The rules of Bat Club are simple. Rule number one - Don't mention the Bat Club. Rule number two - Avoid dying, or you won't be avenged. Rule number three - Don't mention the Bat Club."

"Little Wing, I avenged you," Dick reminded Jason, alluding to the brief time that he had killed the Joker. 

"Ah, 'twas but a half-vengence, Dickolas," Jason said sagely, "for the fiend was soon resuscitated. Next time, aim for the head. With a gun. Nay, a bazooka!"

"Is he serious?" Wally whispered, as Dick nodded indulgently. It was best to not interrupt Jason when he was on one of his death spiels, and let him vent for a while. After all, he had earned it.

"Todd! Silence your frightful maw!" Damian demanded. "You are frightening West's delicate, lily-like ears!"

"Can we get back to the guest lists, please," Tim asked tiredly, having been subjected to Jason's rants about Optimum Firepower And Which Bazooka Was The Best For Blowing Heads Off multiple times before. "Dick, give me your list."

Dick obediently handed his list over to Tim - his little organizer! - and waited for him to analyze it. 

Tim scanned the list impassively, till his eyes came to rest on one name. "Um, Dick?"  
"Yes, Timmy?" Dick chirped. 

"Slade Wilson?"

Bruce inhaled his coffee and spent ten minutes suffering espresso induced nasal burns. 

Dick just looked back at Tim like the happy lemming that he was. "Yeah!"

"Why?" Tim asked. 

"Because he was my mentor, Tim," Dick reminded him. In his armchair, Bruce twitched unhappily, loath to be reminded of the man that had tried so fervently to pry Dick away from him. Even now, Slade was, in Bruce's opinion, unnecessarily affectionate with Dick. On patrol, they would fight, and then end the battle in a dadly hug or a hair ruffle. 

Only Bruce could be dadly towards Dick. 

Tim continued perusing the list, muttering to himself till he reached the next name - or pair of names. "Midnighter and Apollo."

Bruce wanted to fling the damn list in the fire, along with Midnighter and Apollo, for good measure. 

Surprisingly, it was Wally who spoke up. "They're our friends," he said, looking at Dick and blushing.

"Oh ho!" Jason cried. "Friends, are you? Little Wallace, what have you and my brother been getting up to?" He asked, his eyebrows twisting salaciously. 

Wally looked like he was related to a beetroot, and Damian jumped in to rescue him. "Silence, Todd! West looks about to combust! Would you risk Grayson becoming a widow for the sake of your vulgarity?"

"Good grief," Dick muttered, shaking his head at Jason. "They're our friends, with no benefits. We like that we have at least one couple to be friends with. And if they do give us a little advice...well, they do have more experience."

Jason gagged and Tim looked intrigued, doubtlessly thinking about gaining experience with Kon. 

Bruce put an end to Tim's daydreams about experiences with a quick swat to the back of his head. "No impure thoughts in my house, no sir," he reaffirmed as Tim massaged his head and grumbled. 

Jason craned his neck over to look at the list. "How come none of the Supers are on the list?"

"They're family, Jay, family doesn't need an invitation," Dick said. "Besides, Kon is Tim's date, and Clark is officiating the ceremony. Jon's the flower boy."

"That's everyone, then," Stephanie said. "Man, that was draining. Hey Cass, wanna go get smoothies?"

"Yes."

"But what about the wedding party?" Damian asked. 

"Cass, sit the hell back down, there's going to be Drama," Stephanie hissed. 

"Okay."

Dick rolled his eyes. "There's no drama. Dami, Timmy, Cass, Steph, and Jay are my grooms-people."

"But who is your best man?" Bruce asked. 

"Jaybird!"

"Preposterous!" Damian erupted. "How was I overlooked for the role of your best man?"  
"That's because you're my best baby, Dami!"

"Urgh," Jason retched as Damian submitted to Dick's cuddling and babying with a sinister grin. "Also, why am I your best man, haven't you known Tim longer?"

"But you were my first baby brother," Dick reminded him. "And I have faith in your capabilities, Little wing!"

"But not in Tim or Damian," Stephanie said, goading the Drama. Bruce made to nudge her towards the trash can, but she deftly side-stepped him.

Dick just smiled indulgently. "That's because they're my baby brothers. Remember, I helped to raise them. They'll always be my babies, no matter how old they get."

Damian beamed with the force of a thousand suns. "A fig to you, Brown, and your attempts to sow discord between Grayson and myself! Our bond is stronger than your pathetic efforts at meddling! Nay! It is stronger than the strongest substance in the known Universe!"

Stephanie mouthed the words 'fig to you', before rounding on Tim. "What does that mean? Did he insult me? Why did he give me a fig?"

Tim sighed deeply, and wished for Kon to whisk him away from the madness, to a simpler life where they were the only two people left on Earth after humanity was thrown into another dimension by an evil force, and Kon would take him morning, noon, and night, in varied and inventive positions, so that Tim could bear Kon's children and save the world by creating human/kyrptonian hybrid babies who would then find the rest of the humans, rescue them, and then go and repopulate the world.

Sensing that Tim was experiencing hormones again, Bruce pushed him towards Jason, whose face was the antidote to Tim's horniness. 

"Gah," Tim grumbled, and crawled away from an affronted Jason. Just as he was about to make his escape to his bedroom, Bruce snagged Tim around the waist and set him down next to himself and proceeded to squish his son into the sofa. Tim resigned himself to his fate of melding into the sofa crease and fell silent. Bruce smiled, feeling the warm glow of satisfaction from having his child next to him, and away from lecherous kryptonian farmboys.

"Back to wedding planning," Dick said, drawing everyone's attention. "So far, we have guest lists and my groomsmen. Wally, who are yours?"  
"Oh, Garfield, Roy, and Donna," Wally answered. "They're the closest I have to siblings."

"Do you not consider us as your siblings-in-law?" Damian sneered. "Are we Wayne siblings so far removed in your eyes, despite us having welcomed you with open arms and only one little battle for Grayson's honour!?"

Wally blinked at Damian and after a second, burst out laughing. "Damian," he said slowly, "if Dick calls you his baby, and I call Dick my husband, what do you think that you are to me?"

Damian stared at Wally, flabbergasted. He looked at Dick, who was grinning easily back at him, as though Wally's words were the most natural thing to say. For once, Damian had nothing to say, but his crimson cheeks told a different story. 

"I- I..." Damian stuttered in the face of so much open affection and backed away slowly. He looked at Bruce, who just smiled back at him. It was too much. "ARGH!" Damian screamed, and ran out of the room, away from Tim, Jason, and Stephanie's laughter. 

Even Bruce was chuckling lowly, and wiped his eyes before resuming his resting posh face. "That was very good of you to say that, Wallace," Bruce said seriously, "but I hope you realize what it means to marry into this family."

"I do, Bruce," Wally reassured him. "I accept that I get a free child. I accept that I will have to move in, because I can't ask Dick to leave Damian behind. I accept that I get two younger brothers who have their own quirks and their own demons, and a sister who-"

"-is perfect," Bruce interrupted.

"-well, okay. Also Stephanie-"

"Who?"

"Bruce!" Dick hissed, as Stephanie's jaw hit the floor at the sheer savagery.

"I accept that my family just grew by ridiculous proportions," Wally said, "and became monumentally more crazy. But I like that. A lot."

Bruce studied Wally closely, and then looked at Alfred, who was making a show of dusting a vase and being butler-y. "Well? What do you think, Alfred?" Bruce asked. 

Alfred nodded. "A fine young man on all counts, as I previously said. I knew this when young Mister West came to me and asked for permission to court Master Richard all those years ago."

"Why did he ask you?" Jason asked. 

"Obviously, because Pennyworth is the Elder of our family, Todd!" Damian cried, slinking back into the room and making a beeline for Dick. "Grayson, can you sign my permission slip? The fools at the department of anatomy at Gotham University require an adult to sign off on my attending dissection labs."

Dick cooed about Damian being oh so clever and having a stomach of steel, and remember not to show that you have prior experience with cutting and dismembering, Dami, it'll raise suspicion. 

Bruce raised an eyebrow challengingly at Wally, who was watching Dick sign Damian's permission slip and quiz him about lab safety and being hygienic about cutting organs. 

"Still think that we're normal?" Jason whispered into Wally's ear, making him startle slightly. 

"I'm more comfortable with that than your warm breath in my ear," Wally grumbled. He turned to face Jason full on and frowned. "You're very warm," he commented. 

Dick started. "Jay, are you getting a fever? Come here," he said, yanking Jason's head over so that he could kiss his forehead. 

"Ick!" Jason cried and scuttled away like a crab, wiping his head that had made contact with Dick's plump, perfectly smooth lips. 

"Nope, no fever," Dick said happily, and winked at Wally. 

Wally's heart swelled with love for his sweet, loving, clever hubby who had taken revenge on his behalf. Watching him interact with Damian, who was enthusiastically telling him about some villain he had felled, Wally saw a glimmer of his future - some day in the future, they would be married, and perhaps their child would be telling his family about how he and his Uncle Dami had felled some nameless villain. 

Tim would be in the corner, making money and doing things to Kon-El. 

Jason would be cooking something, because Wally was a sucker for Jason's food. 

Uncle Barry and Bruce would be sitting by the fireside, nursing whiskey and- oh, who was he kidding, Uncle Barry hated whiskey. He'd probably be stuffing himself with pizza while Bruce scoffed poshly and ate a cucumber sandwich with his pinkie sticking out. 

Hopefully by this time, Stephanie would have found a way to affix herself to Cassandra and spawn some of their own kids for Bruce, to placate him.

"Wally, why're you smiling?" Dick asked him, cocking his head.

In response, Wally leaned over and pressed a kiss to Dick's cheek, eliciting a giggle from the other man, and a grunt as Bruce lunged over to cover Tim's eyes, lest he start thinking about Kon again. 

"No reason. I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"Oh, nothing," Wally smiled back. "Just us."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason gets schooled.
> 
> Dick hugs a lot of people. 
> 
> Tim shows off a hidden talent (and a kink),
> 
> and Bruce gets sentimental.

Jason could think of a hundred and one other things he could be doing right now - humping Roy in their bed, humping Roy against the wall, humping Roy in the car - but instead, he was plastered to Dick's chest as the man tried to teach him how to do a waltz for their brother-groom dance at Dick's wedding. 

"One-two-three, one-two-three, come on, put some bounce in it, Little Wing!" Dick sang, twirling Jason around the drawing room. Jason scowled and saw that Roy was sniggering at his plight in the corner, where he had been commandeered into helping make wedding centerpieces with Bruce, Damian, and Wally. 

Jason had never felt so betrayed, and he had literally died unavenged. 

He'd even spent a couple of years being salty about it and shooting criminals over it. But nothing compared to the hurt of seeing his own husband snickering at him while Dick's perky nipples were pressed against Jason's chest through his shirt, as his elder brother spun him around the room like a chipmunk on cocaine. 

Okay, that last part was a lie. Dick was actually very graceful. It was just Jason who couldn't dance.

"Dickface, come on," Jason groaned, as Dick finally stopped and rested his head against Jason's chest. "Can we just agree that I can't waltz? I'll slow dance with you or something at the wedding, you can even hug me the whole damn time."

Dick smiled patiently. "I know that you can do it, Jay, I have faith in you. Maybe you just need a different teacher."

Jason immediately started to move towards Roy, but was waylaid by Dick pushing a slightly grumpy Tim at him. 

"Tim? You've got to be kidding me- oh my god," Jason yelped as Tim grasped him masterfully around the waist and dipped him expertly. He held a terrified Jason in that pose, never breaking eye-contact with him, and very deliberately, growled in a low and dominating manner. 

"Oh. My god," Jason said, his eyes wide. He might have swooned a little bit as Tim dragged him artfully across the floor. 

"I have waltzed since the age of three," Tim said, pulling Jason into yet another pose complicated pose. "I won the interstate waltz championships three times from the ages of five to eight, before I stopped competing. Mother insisted that I, the Drake heir, be well versed in the art of domination in every way, including on the dance floor."

Bruce nodded proudly, remembering a night from a long time ago when at a gala, a five year old Tim, who had yet to become his son, had casually knocked aside a social butterfly lady and had taken Bruce's hand to dance with him. It was the best dance of Bruce's life.

"And yet, Todd fails to learn," Damian piped up. "Move aside, Drake, I shall take over now."

Jason looked down at his navel region, from where Damian was glaring up at him. "Take my hand, Todd!"

"Um."

"Todd!" 

Jason put his hands in Damian's and then waited. He could rapidly see where this was going, and he didn't exactly want to stop it. 

"Now, move! Channel the grace of the slippery eel, gliding along the floor in all of its boneless glory!"

Jason made a face, but obeyed, going at a sedate enough pace so that Damian was still in control. "Now, Todd, twirl!"

Jason grinned evilly, and did as he was bid, lifting a shrieking Damian off the ground and hurling him through the air. He came to a stop with a slightly windswept Damian in his arms, who had finally fallen quiet, and handed him off to Dick to be babied and taken care of. 

"Welp, this was a huge waste of time," Jason declared, "I'm off to take a piss, the commode beckons!"

Jason beat a quick escape to the loo, and stayed there for a few minutes, checking his phone and discreetly texting Roy, until his husband told him to stop being a coward and come back downstairs for his dance lessons. Jason cribbed, but eventually plodded downstairs. 

He peeked his head into the room, and to his surprise, came face to face with a determined looking Cass. 

"Come," she said. "I will teach you."

Jason raised his eyebrow. "Er, how about no?"

"I choose to not hear you."

"Well, fine then."

Dancing with Cass was actually quite alright. She could read his body language and predict his moves, and thus saved her toes from getting trampled. After a few minutes, she stepped back and frowned, wagging her finger at him patronizingly.

"Dance is smooth. You are rough. Always thinking. Movements are jagged. You must be like water."

"I thought I did good just then," Jason defended himself. 

"No, I did good. You did almost-damage."

"We should exile Todd from the dance floor," Damian piped up. "I can take two dances with you, Grayson."

"You're just looking to hog Dick," Jason said spitefully, and then collapsed on the floor. "ARGH! I can't frigging dance!"

Jason wriggled in agony on the floor at his failings for some more time before a shadow fell over him, eclipsing all light and blotting out all warmth around him. He opened his eyes to see the looming figure of-

"Bruce."

Bruce stared down at Jason impassively, and then single handedly hefted him up off the floor. "No son of mine will go through life without learning a waltz," Bruce said, channelling his inner Rich Bitch. 

"Noooooo," Jason whined as Bruce positioned him against his own form. 

"Jason stop whining," Bruce said, frowning.

"I caaaaaan't, it's a reeeeeflex," Jason continued to whine, but allowed himself to be moved by Bruce. 

Jason allowed Bruce to gently reposition him and guide his steps, and slowly but surely, his feet began to move in sync with his father's matching time and tempo. Realizing that he had actually learnt an entire dance routine, Jason harrumphed bitterly and glared at his family over Bruce's meaty shoulder, daring them to say something. 

Wisely, they stayed silent. 

They danced on, and Jason realized that Bruce was humming contentedly, and that their elaborate waltz had slowed to microscopic movements, and that Bruce was just prolonging a very long, warm, hairy hug. 

But Jason wasn't in any hurry to get out of it. 

"Damn you, old man," Jason said, "you're a good teacher."

"That's because you're a good student," Bruce replied simply. "You always were."

Emotions! Dick mouthed happily as Tim rolled his eyes. They're emoting! 

Alfred chose that moment to slink over to the radio and turn it on, filling the kitchen with a soft, old instrumental number. He took Cassandra's hand regally and led her onto the dance floor beside Bruce and Jason, and proceeded to put everyone to shame by cutting a sophisticated rug with her. 

They were soon joined by Dick and Wally, who somehow managed to not look like an absolute sweaty, lustful wreck, given that Dick was wearing a pair of very tight leggings. 

It was the fear of Bruce that kept the lust at bay. 

This, of course, left Damian to shoot seething looks at Tim, who after suffering the fifteenth glare to the side of his head, finally took Damian to dance. What proceeded to occur was possibly the most awkward moment shared between two beings in the known multiverse - not the least due to the fact that Damian's head came to around the vicinity of Tim's sternum, and Damian insisting that he be the one to lead. Also, Damian was very warm in contrast to Tim's constant state of cold, dried, spaghetti. 

Needless to say, Damian was very unhappy with the current state of affairs, and kept shooting meaningful glances at Dick before he finally obliged his little brother and swept him up into his arms, leaving Wally with Tim. 

With a normal sized partner again, Tim unleashed his inner tango queen and with a sensual growl, dragged a squeaking Wally across the dance floor. "I'm not Kon!" Wally cried, as Tim pressed their chests together and pulled him into a sexfully charged pose. 

"I know," Tim whispered huskily, and Wally gasped. 

"Dickie! Save me!"

Dick, however, was busy twirling a giggling Damian around the room and being unbearably sweet and wholesome, leaving Wally to Tim's domineering mercy. He had never met such a power bottom before. 

And there was no doubt about that - Tim was most definitely a bottom. 

He even said so, in his many fics staring himself and Kon (codenamed Jim and Ron for ao3 publication purposes). It was the most popular series of fics staring OC's to ever hit the illustrious website. 

Why did I read those, Wally wondered to himself. Ah, yes, because they were a Titan's hit. Every Saturday, the various Titans, old and new, came together to discuss the various raunchy sexual escapades of the barely disguised characters of Jim and Ron. It was their own little book club, and no Justice League parents were invited. Uncle Barry was invited because Uncle Barry was cool. Also Wonder Woman, because the idea of men being good at sex amused the Amazonian princess endlessly.

But back to Wally's woes on the dance floor.

"This is preemptive revenge," Jason informed him as he slow danced his way over with Roy, "for the times you and Dick will be undoubtedly cutesy around us, and give us inferiority complexes about our own abilities as spouses and lovers. Take your suffering like a man, Wallace."

"If it means that I can be with Dick forever, then I am willing to suffer through anything," Wally said boldly, with tears in his eyes.

"Good," Tim rumbled, and Wally was used as a freckled ginger broomstick as he was sexily dragged across the length of the living room. 

"Timmy, be gentle with my little Wally!" Dick called. 

"Oh dear, how unfulfilling," Jason said cruelly. 

Dick glared at his chortling family and went over to rescue his fiancé from Tim's dominating clutches. 

"They make a good couple," Bruce observed, as he watched Dick rescue Wally from the precarious pose that Tim had him in that could have been on the cover of a soft-core pornographic book. 

"Ew, you're emoting," Jason observed. 

"Dancing makes me emotional," Bruce said. "Especially with my loved ones."

"Yuck," Jason said cheerfully. "They are cute, though," he agreed, watching as Dick nursed a shivering and faint Wally back to health, while Tim, sexually energized after his bawdy ballroom dancing, rushed to compose dirty texts to Kon. 

"It'll be nice to have more sons-in-law," Bruce mused. "Roy was a good start. I hope to complie more children-in-laws as time progresses."

"You'll definitely get Kon," Jason reminded him.

"Egads."

"And Stephanie."

"Please stop."

Jason burst out laughing and slung his arm around Bruce, who was trying to exorcise his memories free of Stephanie. "Get used to it, old man," he said cheerfully, "we're all here to stay."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damian has concerns.
> 
> Jason discovers his paternal side.
> 
> Dick must prove his love,
> 
> and Tim just wants to hide.

It had stopped being strange to see Damian doing irregular things, not least because he had started to take tuitions in dark magic with Raven. Jason thought that it was simply because he was a particularly odd child. 

"Dami's not odd!" Dick would cluck emotionally, "He's just got his little quirks!"

Yeah, right. And Jason just had a teeny tiny spot of depression from time to time, no biggie. 

Dami's current little quirk comprised of lugging or levitating his belongings and various items of furniture form his bedroom to an unused room across the hall. Jason watched him work for a solid ten minutes before his curiosity got the better of him. 

"Hey brat, what're you up to now?"

Damian looked up at him, his little face red from the exertion of focusing on the mattress that he was levitating in mid air. "It concerns you not, Todd," he scoffed. "Now, give me passage and be on your way, for I-"

Damian only got so far a his stamina finally gave out, and the mattress came crashing to the ground. Damian stared at his failed attempt at levitation and collapsed into the soft mattress, only to begin throwing a silent fit of frustration at his failure in sustained levitation of large objects. 

Jason watched amusedly as Damian flailed angrily on the bedspread for a while, and tried not to think that his tiny aggression party was the cutest thing he had ever seen. After a while, Damian seemed to tire himself out, and Jason stepped in, lifting both the mattress and Damian on top of it and relocating it the the other room without breaking a sweat. 

"Show off," Damian muttered, as Jason grinned obnoxiously. 

"Now," Jason said, plonking down next to Damian and sending the little boy bouncing at the force of his bum landing on the mattress, "why're you moving things from your bedroom? Did Bruce say it was alright?"

Damian pouted (So cute!) - No! Bad paternal feelings! - and looked at his knees. "I am moving out of necessity, Todd."

"What necessity?"

Damian heaved a long, heavy, sigh and looked very put upon. "As you well know, Grayson will be wed within the month, and his husband, West, will move in with us. It is a norm that the married couple cohabit in the nuptial chambers. Indeed, it is necessary for the good health of their marriage that their marital bed be unencumbered. 

"I am moving out of the bed and room that I have thus far shared with Grayson in order to ensure that he and his husband may have unfettered access to each other within their chambers, and may thus produce progeny to begin their own family. Eventually, I will phase myself out of Grayson's life so that he can prioritize the wellbeing of his own family unit."

Jason stared his his resolute little brother in wonderment, marveling as to how much Damian had grown emotionally, that he was thinking of other people before his own needs and agenda. Instead, he said, "You know that Dick's not going to, er, produce any kids that way, right?" When Damian looked up at him quizzically, Jason elaborated, "I mean, he and Wally can't have biological kids. They're both men."

"So?"

Oh god, Jason thought, I'm going to have to give the brat The Talk. "I mean, when two boys really love each other and want a baby, then they can't make one, they can adopt one or use a surrogate. Boys don't have a uterus. 

Damian looked at Jason through narrowed eyes. "I know that. But that hasn't stopped Drake. He has drawn up plans to use his and the Clone's stem cells to produce their biological young and incubate their babe in an artificial womb mechanism. I have gone over his plans, they are completely feasible, and he plans to develop and use them within the next ten years. Drake hacked Luthor's database and stole the plans for a tank similar to the one that was used to grow the Clone."

Jason's brain short circuited at the thought of Tim's familial dreams, and how close he was to fulfilling them. He'd have to keep an eye on their resident mad scientist teenage twink. 

And maybe tell Bruce. That'd nip it in the bud.

But for now, Damian.

"Okay, kid, listen up," Jason said. "We have to address two things right here, right now. First off, you're frigging adorable for thinking about Dickface and his relationship with his hubby."

"Silence, Todd," Damian grumbled, but with none of his previous venom.

"Second," Jason continued, "you're frigging stupid if you think that Dick getting married is going to stop him from being a massive hen about you. Why do you think Wally is moving in with us here? It's so that Dick can stay with you, you squishy little idiot.

"Getting married doesn't mean that you have to sever ties with your past. It just means that you gain more people to love. But don't think for a second that Dick loves you any less just because he has Wally, or because he'll have a child. He loves you in a way that is completely unreasonable and sickening to me, but amazing in all other respects. And he'd be heartbroken if he learns that you've been feeling this way."

Damian looked up in alarm. "No!"

"Yes," Jason stressed, leaning forward so that he was nose to button nose with Damian. "Sad, betrayed, crying Dickface thinking that he didn't love you enough, so much so that you are preparing your psyche for emotional pain in the future!"

Damian jumped off of the mattress in horror and looked at Jason with wide eyes. "What a fool I have been!" Damian wailed, "It took you, Todd - a common vagabond - to make me see the error of my ways! I had neglected to think of Grayson's pure and soft heart! Quickly, I must relocate my belongings back into my previous bedroom with Grayson before he notices!" 

Damian once again used his magic and raced back and forth between the rooms, levitating things at top speed, not even noticing when he successfully levitated the mattress back into position, this time with a startled Jason on top of it, shrieking and clinging to the speeding mattress in midair. 

Jason stumbled off of the mattress and made his way to the sitting room, grumbling at the impromptu trip down the hall, leaving Damian to his mild panic. He reached the sitting area, and spied none other than Dick bouncing towards him. 

"Jay, have you seen Dami?" Dick asked worriedly. "I haven't seen him all day and I have a rumbling in my tummy that says he's in trouble."

Jason thought back to the rude mattress ride and his bumpy landing, courtesy of the Brat Wonder, and hatched a sinister plot of vengeance. "Oh yes, he's upstairs, crying. He thinks that you won't have time to love him after your wedding, and he's been trying to emotionally alienate himself from you in a preemptive defense."

Dick gasped tremulously, his hand at his chest and tears in his eyes. "Oh, my poor misunderstood Dami!" He cried. "I have to be with him and make him see the error in his thinking!"

Dick raced up the stairs and Jason closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable sound that would signal his success. One...two...three...

"Oh, Dami! I'm sorry that you ever had to doubt my love for you!"

"Ack! Release me at once, Grayson!"

"I love you so much, and I always will!"

"Cease your emotional diarrhea, Grayson, this is embarrassing!"

"But I love you, Dami! Muah muah!" 

Jason snickered evilly at the sound of Dick's kisses smacking on Damian's chubby and no doubt blushing cheeks, which had yet to lose their baby fat.

"Sigh...muah."

All's well that ends well, Jason thought, dusting his hands off. Before he left, though, he had one more deed for the day...

***

Tim looked up from his latest blueprints for a high-frequency sound wave blaster (programmed to shoot Damian's voice at a very high frequency and pitch) as a series of knocks rapped against his bedroom door. It couldn't be Dick - his knocks tended to be rapid and cheerful. Jason was out of the question as he would have just barged in. Cass wold come in through the window. Damian thought that knocking was for commoners and would yell at the door until Tim opened it. Alfred would knock, but with exactly two sharp raps. 

This knock - slow and thudding - belonged to Bruce. 

"Come in," Tim said. 

Bruce let himself in, and took in the state of Tim's sanctum sanctorum. A picture of Kon-El on the nightstand, Boos the teddy bear on the pillow, pile of clothes on the floor - was that Kon-El's shirt? Suppressing the urge to burn it, Bruce looked over at Tim, and then down at the plans. 

"Don't use you little brother's voice as a weapon, please," he sighed.

"But it's so perfectly whiny and pre-pubescent," Tim said. "The perfect combination of annoying and terror inducing."

Bruce sighed deeply. "We will talk about this later. But for now, I need to talk to you about something more...personal."

Tim's expression shuttered and became guarded. "Don't give me the Talk. I already know it, Dick told me."

"I found the plans, Tim," Bruce said seriously.

"What plans?"

"The Plans," Bruce said enigmatically. "The plans you stored on a hidden folder on the Batcomputer to grow yours and Kon-El's child."

Tim reared back in horror. "You...you hacked my files?"

"No, never," Bruce refuted. "It was suggested that I clean the system, and I found...it." Bruce's expression was pained. "Tim, you are seventeen, you can't have children yet, you're not ready. The diapers alone-"

"AGH!"

"Not to mention the fact that you won't have any time for your partner. Do you know how long it was after I adopted Dick that I finally managed to have sex?"

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!"

***

Hidden underneath the sofa, Jason waited patiently until he heard the siren of his success.

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!"

Jason silently pumped his fist in victory. That would put Tim off of baby growing until a more appropriate time. God bless Bruce and his lack of emotional depth or boundaries. Jason rolled out from under the couch and straightened up, finally ready to go home and tell Roy of his exploits.

He was such a good brother.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is The Day. 
> 
> Prepare of Love.

Dick Grayson-Wayne wed Wallace West on December 20th, 2018, and by all accounts, it was a perfect wedding that would be the precursor to the perfect marriage. 

Dick woke up that morning with a luxurious stretch of his spine and a ridiculously large smile. "Good morning, Dami," Dick cooed at the tiny lump beside him. Damian popped is head out and regarded his brother seriously.

"Good morn, Grayson," he said seriously. "This is the last day whence you shall give me your morning greetings, for tonight onwards, I shall sleep alone in my chambers and you shall engage in married activities with your spouse."

Dick giggled at his serious jitterbug and hoisted Damian out of bed and into his lap. "You're always welcome to cuddle with me, Dami, that'll never change. I'll always have room for you."

"Bah," Damian huffed, but looked pleased. "Let us make haste and dress, I have to look beyond perfect today."

Dick let Damian go with a small smooch to the top of his head, and ambled to the washroom to ready himself to look his best for Wally. 

Only, the bathroom was locked. 

Dick strained his ears and to hear beyond the sound of the shower running, and...Aha! Jason was humming in the shower! Only Jaybird ever hummed, Dick knew. He himself liked to full out sing, Tim showered in silence, and Damian liked to conserve water by filling a bucket with water and using a mug to wash himself. 

Dick picked the lock and walked in with a cheerful, "Good morning, Jaybird!"

Jason screamed swaddled himself in shower curtains, peering out angrily with his sudsy hair. "Dickface!" He shrieked. "What the hell!" Dick looked over to answer him from where he was brushing his teeth. "Don't look!" Jason screeched, his eyes popping.

Dick laughed and looked back at the mirror. "It's okay, Little Wing, I've seen your Little Thing before."

"AUGH! When!?"

"Lots of times," Dick shrugged. "When you got hurt on patrol and I changed you into your pajamas, when you got chicken pox and you had to take oatmeal baths, when we were in the changing room-"

"AUGH!"

"Besides, Jay, what're you doing showering my my bathroom?"

Jason sniffed. "So maybe, just once, I wanted to smell nice and like honey and milk from your stupid scented soaps and shampoos. Got a problem?"

Dick cooed. "Of course not, Jay, I want for you to smell nice all the time-"

"-And not akin to the odor of the stale pizza that Todd refuses to discard in his home," Damian said, barging in with impunity. "Good morn, Todd. I welcome your foray into proper cleanliness. Grayson," Damian said, looking at Dick and ignoring a shrieking Jason, "I would like to borrow your most excellent face cream."

Jason's shrieking woke the rest of the occupants in the manor, and slowly, the preparations for the wedding day began.

***

With everyone squeaky clean and smelling of various condiments, the Waynes, with the addition of some Gordons, various Kents, and a Brown, gathered in the living room to get ready. 

"C'mon Cass," Stephanie said, "lets do our makeup," she said leading the way and pushing Barbara along with her. 

"For once, you speak sense, Brown." Everyone looked up to see Damian descending the spiral staircase, wearing traditional silk robes in various shads of blue. 

Bruce groaned inwardly as Damian swept towards them. "Damian, why aren't you wearing your tux?"  
"Father! This is a custom made wedding thawb that Mother had made for me specifically for this occasion! It is the 'in' thing at weddings, you know! Besides, Grayson has reassured me that I look galant and regal, and also have the benefit of the colour matching with his eyes."

Bruce sighed and glared at Dick, who was obliviously smiling at Damian like the air headed hamster that he was. Damian, however, had more to say.

"When I informed Mother about Little Kent being a flower girl at the wedding, she even had a thawb made for him!"

Lois looked conflicted as Damian brandished a pink and white silk thawb at Jon, who squealed happily. "I don't know about accepting gifts from Talia Al Ghul..."

"Fret not, Madam Kent," Damian said, "for my glorious mother does sometimes go overboard in compensation for not seeing me. She even sent a thawb for my Beloved Colin," Damian said, pulling out a green thawb. 

Jon accepted the gift happily. "Wow, thanks Dami! And could you tell Auntie Talia that I said thanks too?"

"Duly noted, Little Kent," Damian said seriously. "And do not fret about your missive to my mother - she is always listening, always watching, like the ever vigilant hawk."

Silence fell over the room. Everyone looked up at a slight scuffling sound outside the window, and watched a harried looking ninja scurry off across the lawn. Dick waved gaily at his retreating form, and the ninja paused in his escape to wave back at him before continuing to run away.

Bruce, the only person left with any sense, tried to go after the ninja, but was tripped up by Alfred. "No vigilante activity today, Master Bruce," Alfred reminded him. Bruce grumbled, and remembered the deal he had struck with the family, and how he had had to ask Clark to pretend to be Batman for this one night. 

It would be a disaster, he was sure. 

But still, Gotham could put up with Clark for one night if it meant that Bruce could be beside Dick on his big day. Also, he was kind of looking forward to seeing pure Clark getting his feelings hurt and all flustered by the irreverent evil villains of Gotham. 

And Clark punching Scarecrow's living daylights out.

Meanwhile, Jon had donned his pink thawb and added a flower crown. "Look daddy! I'm a flower girl!"

Clark smiled insipidly and encouraged Jon's attachment to nature like the farmboy that he was. 

Meanwhile, Bruce had given up on Damian and turned to Cassandra and immediately melted into goo. "You look beautiful, Cassandra. Like a proper lady."

Cassandra spun around in her long red gown and smiled angelically at her father. "To match your tie, daddy," she said, gesturing at Bruce's red tie. Bruce simpered and wished that everyone could be as perfect as Cass.

As Bruce turned away, Stephanie raised her eyebrow at Cass. "Laying it on a bit thick, don't you think?"

Cass smiled diabolically. "To butter up for the day I marry you. Prepare him."

"Hoo hoo, how clever," Stephanie snickered. "Let me try. Hey Bruce!"

Bruce looked around and raised a threaded eyebrow (Dick did them for him), and stopped. "Yes, Stephanie?"

"I made a rap about you. Here-"

"Please, no-"

"Bruce Bruce, he's as tall as a moose-"

Bruce looked heavenwards for mercy, and his prayers were answered as Tim shuffled over and asked for his help tying his bowtie. Bruce quickly slung Tim over his shoulder and ran away, leaving Stephanie to rap to emptiness. 

"I didn't actually need your help," Tim admitted. "But I've heard Stephanie rap before, and no one should have to go through that."

Meanwhile, Dick was seated at the dresser and doing his makeup, with Damian in his lap, who was assiduously applying kohl to his eyes. "Be still, Grayson," Damian instructed, pulling out his phone, "I am going to send a picture of our radiance to Mother."

A few minutes later, the doorbell rang. Alfred answered it, and seemed to have a short word with the deliveryman.

"Who was that, Alfie?"

"A ninja-delivery from the League of Assassins," Alfred announced. "Lady Al Ghul has sent Master Richard a ceremonial saber as a wedding present as a thank you for taking such wonderful care of Master Damian." He then proceeded to unwrap a rater excessively large and wicked looking sword, and wielded it expertly. "Shall I hang it with the rest of the weaponry, Master Bruce?"

"May as well," Bruce grumbled. 

In the interim period, Dick had managed to corral Jason and was persuading him to at least let him contour his cheekbones. "No," Jason said with finality. "Look, there's Tim, why don't you add some highlight to his eye-bags?"

Tim was sitting in the corner and being surprisingly well behaved, Bruce noticed. He was seated in the corner in his tux with minimal fuss, and was currently reading a book...upside down. Bruce frowned peered over Tim's shoulder and saw Tim's phone hidden between the pages, the screen illuminated by his BatsApp chat to Kon-El.

TIM-TAM: I can't wait to see you at the wedding. I'm wearing the lacy thong that you brought for me.

KON-BON: I can't wait to walk you down the aisle, knowing that you're aching for me.

TIM-TAM: My every muscle aches to be held by you, my delicious durian.

KON-BON: I will divest you of that infernal thong the moment the wedding is over, my scintillating snowcone. Tonight, we will know Love under the stars.

TIM-TAM: Type dirty to me, my bulging biscuit!

KON-BON: I will rip your underwear for daring to cover your porcelain skin, and have you free of clothing, writhing under my tender caress, my sweet prince.

TIM-TAM: Kon, my passionate pinecone!

KON-BON: Tim, my luscious lychee!

TIM-TAM: My glorious guava!

KON-BON: My perfect pudding!

Bruce had had enough. He snatched the phone away, making Tim gasp in shock and horror. "Bruce!" He cried, terrified, as Bruce typed a message. "Please! Don't do this!"

"I don't know what you think I'm doing," Bruce replied evenly, "but I guarantee that the reality is far worse."

TIM-TAM changed his name to MR. WAYNE

MR. WAYNE: Kon-El. This is Tim's father. Cease all efforts at taking my child's virginity at once, or face the consequences.

KON-BON:...

KON-BON has left the chat.

Bruce smiled, knowing that he had preserved Tim's virginity, and looked down at his quaking son. "Go and put on some proper underwear, Tim," he directed. 

Tim slumped off, defeated, knowing that the heat of his passion would have to be sated by staring longingly at Kon from a distance for tonight. There was a low whistle from behind, and Bruce looked around to see Jason looking appreciatively after Tim. "A thong, huh? Gotta give Timbo props, those butt flossers are mighty uncomfortable."

"Why are you like this," Bruce asked. 

In this interim period, Dick and the girls had finished their makeup and waved the rest of the family over. "Guys it's time!" Barbara boomed. "Everyone into the cars, we have to get to the Wayne Hotel by noon!"

"I'll drive," Damian said, sweeping regally past Bruce, only to be yanked back and picked up like a football and tucked underneath Jason's meaty arm where he hung limply. 

"Like hell you will," Jason muttered. "It's my jeep."

"As father of the groom, I will be driving Dick," Bruce said. "We need to have poignant moments, I've read about it. The rest of you can ride with Jason in his...vehicle."

"I customized that jeep with my sweat, blood, and tears!"

"There are stains on your car?"

"Oh my god," Jason said, and stalked out, a steady stream of Waynes and Wayne-adjacents following him. 

Dick followed Bruce out to the car, and made to get into the driver's seat, only to be manhandled into the back. Dick craned forward to see Alfred in the driver's seat. 

"Hey, Alfie."

"Master Richard," Alfred said warmly. "What a wonderful moment this is. Do you remember when you used to sit in the back just as you are now, when I used to drive you to school? You were just a slip of a thing back then, with knobby little knees and a smile as large as the equator." Alfred dabbed at his eyes and looked back to see Dick's eyes streaming from the fond memories. "Oh, I say, Master Richard," Alfred said worriedly. "Your makeup will smudge."

"I'm not wearing any," Dick admitted through great, honking, sobs. "I never do, I only ever wear m-moisturizer! I just say that I do because I don't want Little Wing to be insecure about his l-l-looks!"

Bruce handed Dick a hanky and patted his shoulder. "There, there," he said placatingly. "I'm sure that Jason has other things that he is far more insecure about."

Dick continued to sob and Alfred threw Bruce a glare, as if to say 'do better, damnit'. Bruce cleared his throat hurriedly and patted Dick's hair in a paternal manner. 

"I've always admired how caring you were, Dick," Bruce said. "I don't know what I would have done without you. Your consistent love has managed to bring about such a change in Jason and Damian, not to mention Tim. You've really worked hard to hold this family together, and I'm so grateful."

Dick looked up at Bruce with a watery smile that made Bruce want to kill any and everyone who had ever hurt his boy. 

"That being said," Bruce went on, "I am so proud that you have managed to carve out your own little sliver of happiness with Wallace, and I would like you to ensure that you give your own relationship the same amount of import as you give those with your siblings and family. Love is so important, Dick, no matter what it's form. I hope that you will have the love of your siblings, your husband, and your children. And I want you to know that no matter what happens, you will always have your father's love."

Dick smiled and nodded, his throat too constricted with emotion to say anything. He placed his hand on top of Bruce's meaty one and placed his head on Bruce's shoulder. After all, there was really nothing else that needed to be said.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Almost there! A little pre-ceremony sentiment, starring Tim and Jason as Thing One and Thing Two. 
> 
> And Damian as the Little Thing.

In the wedding hall, there was chaos, with the screams of distressed maidens and Tim renting the air. Flower arrangements were being hastily put up, seating plans were being revised, Tim was being kept apart from Kon, and Jason was just about to set the whole place on fire and be done with it. 

Damian took a deep, fortifying breath. He was in his element. He clambered up onto the altar and let out a shrill whistle. 

“Look alive, you persnickety potatoes! Get to work! Todd, Todd's spouse, ready the centerpieces! Drake, set up the lighting! Starfire! Your chest udders are falling out, wear a bra! Ravager, arrange the flowers! Clone, you-”

Clark escaped the fray and grabbed Jon and Colin and hid in a corner, only to be discovered by Raven, who was passing by. "Pathetic," she informed Clark, and fearlessly approached a wildly gesticulating Damian. Without a word, she lifted him off of the platform and performed a spell to induce sleep. "He hasn't quite managed to counter this spell yet," Raven said, cradling a snoozing Damian. "He usually wakes up in fifteen minutes. Do as you will with the time."

There were cheers as Raven walked off with her snoozing apprentice. Clark emerged from hiding, the Titans gained their freedom, and Tim and Kon were able to reunite. Work continued at a steady pace after Clark put Colin and Jon down for a nap beside Damian, who would no doubt be irritated at his situation when he woke. 

By the time Bruce and Dick rolled up to the venue, it had been decorated and readied for the ceremony under Tim's more steady leadership. "Everything's so beautiful," Dick whispered with stars in his eyes. "Oh, I can see Dami's artistic touch with the flowers here, and Timmy's chaotic neutral taste with the drapery. And Jaybird!"

"Eck!" Jason exclaimed, and made to run away, but was pulled back into Dick's vortex of love. 

"You made me my bouquet! I love it so much!"

"Lemme go, Dickface!"

"I Love how much you Love to Love me!"

"Oh my god, he's hysterical," Jason realized. "Quick, someone distract him!"

"Dick, look," Cass said, popping up, "Damian and his friends. They are taking a nap." Dick followed the direction at which Cass' finger pointed with his eyes, and when he spied the sleeping huddle of children, he exploded in a series of powerful squealing. 

"Thanks Cass," Jason said, extricating himself from Dick's hold. "I wonder if Roy's doing any better with Wally."

***

"Mmgph!" 

Roy whistled merrily as he finished tying Wally to the chair with his own tie. "Welp, that should take care of not seeing the bride before the wedding," he said triumphantly. When Wally continued to struggle against his bonds, Roy tutted disapprovingly. "This is your own fault, Wally. You shouldn't be so thirsty before your own wedding. It's bad luck to see Dick before the ceremony."

Raven walked into the room, took one look at Roy, Wally, and Garfield, and sighed. "Losers," she declared archly, before undoing Wally's bonds with a snap of her fingers. Behind her, Damian bounced excitedly, energized from his nap. 

"What an amazing spell! Will you please teach me that one, Mistress? It will be incredibly useful for when Grayson's many admirers kidnap him, or when Drake's bondage roleplay inevitably goes wrong."

Roy stared at his tiny brother-in-law. "How do you know what bondage play is and that Tim is into it?"  
"The internet, and Drake's lack of soundproofing his walls," Damian replied, before turning back to Raven with a smile and bouncing minutely. 

Raven met his excited gaze and nodded. "Roy, Garfield, if you would," she said. Within minutes, Wally had been restrained again and was crying once more to be released, he promised that he wouldn't try to see Dick again before the ceremony.

"Now watch carefully," Raven instructed Damian, who leaned in. 

Wally looked at the clock and waited till the time he would be reunited with his sweet prince.

***

A scant few hours later saw the entire Wayne family in Dick's dressing room, waiting for Raven to come and get them to begin the ceremony. Dick was on edge, and was being entertained by Damian, who was seated on his lap and demonstrating his new pyrotechnic abilities. 

"...and my Dark Mistress taught me to conjure green flames! See, Grayson?" Damian conjured a green flame while Jason quickly tackled Bruce, who had come running with a fire extinguisher.

Dick smiled absently and pressed several tiny kissies to Damian's head as the boy continued to show him all of his new talents. Damian, of course, loved the kissies and continued to be oblivious to Dick's attention not being 100% on him. 

It was fine. He got to sit on Grayson's lap, which none of his other brothers got to do, so Damian still won. 

Meanwhile, Tim was making observations and hatching a plan. He dawdled over to Jason. "Hey, Jay."

"Tim-tam,'' Jason greeted his brother.

"I've had a thought," Tim said, "and I need to perform an experiment to prove my theory. Will you help me?"  
"Will someone cry?"  
"Probably."

"Then I'm in," Jason said. "Spit shake on it?"

"No spitting, it's so uncouth," Bruce said, glaring at his horrible middle children. Sometimes, he didn't know where he had gone wrong with them. Dick said that he needed to be more verbal in his love for them, but that was Dick's solution to everything.

Tim just smiled and stood up. "Hey Damian, c'mere for a minute," he called. 

Damian looked upset at having to leave his Grayson Cocoon Of Kisses, but obliged nonetheless. The minute Damian left, Jason sauntered over to Dick. "Hey, Dickie. I wanted to talk to you about, um, patrol."

"Okay," Dick said, clearly listening with half an ear, the other half waiting to hear that the ceremony had begun and that he could be Mr. Grayson-Wayne-West at last. 

"Yeah, so you said that I could be Nightwing when you're on your honeymoon, right?'

"Uh huh."

"So I was thinking that I could share the role with Timbo on the weekends, and - AH HA!"

Quick as a flash, Jason reached out and snagged Dick's puckered lips between his fingers, which had been slowly making their way towards his forehead. 

"Mmwu?" Dick asked through his trapped kissy lips. 

Tim bounded forward. "VINDICATION!" He yelled. "My years long theory that Dick gets more kissy when he is stressed has finally been proved true!" Tim yanked out a small notebook. "According to my observations, last Sunday lunch, Dick gave out seven kisses. Four to Damian, Two to Wally, and one for Jason and myself each.

"Today, Dick has doled out a staggering total of fifteen kisses! Seven to Damian - stop looking so smug, you little brother-loving gremlin - three to me, two to Jason, one to Cass, one to Steph, and one to Bruce. This proves my theory that the more stressed Dick gets, the more loving he becomes. Thank you all for attending my dissertation, I will now take any questions fromt he rubes-"

"For goodness sake," Bruce muttered, as Steph and Cass politely applauded Tim, who was still on a roll. Dick was also applauding, despite the fact that his smoochy appendage was still caught between Jason's fingers. 

"His lips are so smooth," Jason complained. "How the hell are they so smooth? It's the middle of winter, mine are chapped to hell." During his complaint, Jason had inadvertantly loosened his hold on Dick's mouth, and the lips had wriggled dangerously close to Jason's cheek. At the last second, Jason noticed and jumped out of the way. "Yeet, can't catch my masculine cheekbones with your perfect pout, not today, Dickface."

Dick grinned at Jason good naturedly and thus caused another series of complaints, ranging from 'oh my god, learn how to take offense, you unbearably cheerful penguin' to 'what toothpaste do you use, no one's teeth should be should be bright enough to signal aliens on the moon'. 

Bruce watched his sons argue at Dick, who simply continued to smile and call Jason various iterations of 'Little Wing', and felt a deep, bone crushing sadness. This was the end of Dick's era as solely a Wayne. Now, he would be a Wayne-West, and surely that would bring it's own changes. 

Dick would now be someone's husband, putting a new person firmly in Bruce's family and giving Dick less time for Bruce, for his siblings, for Damian - 

Well, no. Damian wouldn't settle for anything less than 17 hours of Grayson a day. 

But Bruce. His little boy was going to get married, and be someone's husband, and was going to add to his surname, and go on a honeymoon, and develop little couple inside jokes, and- and-

He was going to be happy. 

Bruce smiled as Jason started to get genuinely creeped out by the earnestness of Dick's grin, and he and Tim clung fearfully to each other as Dick smiled and blinked around at the room. Damian freed himself of Stephanie's company and ran back to Dick, shooting Stephanie the evil eye from across the room. 

"Come over here, Cain," Damian hissed at his sister, who was sitting languidly next to Steph, "break away from the Waffle Woebringer!"

Bruce smiled as Dick hummed and started to fix Damian's hair, humming contentedly. Dick was going to be married. He was going to hyphenate his surname, and go on a honeymoon, and do other things that Bruce was fundamentally opposed to.

But Dick was also going to give him grandchildren. 

Bruce smiled at the thought. He wondered if forty-five was too young to be a grandfather in high society.

"Oh my god, Bruce looks like a frog when he smiles!" Tim burst out. "Oh my god, Jay."

"What, Tim?"

"He looks like Damian."

Jason's eyes popped as he looked between Damian, who had his signaure kermit-grin fixed on his face on account of being babied by Dick, and Bruce, who for some reason, was also smiling.

"Huh. I wonder what Bruce is thinking about."

Bruce sniggered, causing Tim and Jason to fearfully huddle together like Scooby Doo and Shaggy. 

They didn't need to know, Bruce thought to himself happily, already planning to renovate his old nursery. It could be Bruce's little secret for now.


	6. Chapter 6

The ceremony was beautiful. Dick looked like a nymph walking down the aisle, beaming at all and sundry. It had been predicted that the day would be cold and misty, but over Wayne manor, the sun was shining and the birds were singing.

Somewhere, a meterologist was about to lose his job.

When it came time to give Dick's hand over to Wally at the alter, it took the combined efforts of Wally, Barry, and Jason to prise Bruce's meaty fingers off of Dick's hand and then lead the man to his designated father-of-the-groom seat. 

Everyone cheered as the grooms kissed, sealing the union of the Nightwing with the Flash - well, one of the Flashes. 

After the ceremony, Damian approached Barry Allen, who was trying to sneak over to the buffet with Bart Allen, also known as Impulse. 

"Allen!"

"Yes?" Both Allens replied through full mouths. 

"Allen the Elder," Damian bit out. "I would like to convene with you to discuss the bride price-"

Barry's eyes widened. "Oh, no, Damian! We aren't taking Dick away-"

"I am aware. I was referring to Wallace. I am willing to pay you in the amount of two cows and a lifetime supply of Batarangs, plus a monthly subscription to Drake's Technological Innovations For The Modern Superhero magazine. If you choose to become a platinum member, Drake will furnish you with the blueprints of weapons that Father did not allow him to deign on account of them being 'too sadistic'."

"Oh no."

Meanwhile, Jason was out trying to fulfill that most sacred tradition of the best man - shagging the other best man in the dark broom closet. 

"Oh, Roy, yank me hard, right there-"

"Oh, Jason, you're so hard!"

"...Roy, you're not jerking me off."

"What're you talking about, I'm rubbing you right now!"

"No, you're not."

"Then what am I holding!"  
Jason turned on the flashlight on his mobile phone and illuminated the dark closet, only to see his Little Wing hanging out, cold and limp, while Roy's hand was wrapped around a rather oddly shaped and grithy door handle. 

They looked at each other. "Well, that's ruined the moment," Jason said matter-of-factly. "Let's go and get drunk."

"Let's," Roy agreed. "Jay, put your junk away."

"Oops," Jason said, tucking his Little Wing out of sight. "Fancy a drink, darling?"

"Quite," Roy replied with faux snootiness. "Let's get sozzled and have drunk sex later."

"Yay," Jason cheered, and headed to the bar, passing by Damian, who was talking to Barry Allen about cows, and headed to the end of the hall, only to see...

"Roy."

"Yeah?"

"Does the bartender look like Kon to you?"

"Oh yeah," Roy said, squinting. "And that patron looks like Tim."

"Huh," Jason said. "I'm going to get Clark. They're both too young to be at the bar. I wonder how they got there, though..."

***

A few minutes earlier...

"Psst."

John, the bartender, was a young, idealistic Metropolis explant to Gotham. He looked up from where he was cleaning the glasses. "Yes, sir?" He asked politely.

Across the bar, Kon-El, a.k.a Conner Kent loked intently at him. "I'll give you ten bucks to swap clothes with me and take my place at table number two." 

John bit down a heavy sigh. He should have listened to his sister and stayed put in Metropolis. But nooooo, John had to find himself, and stroke out on his own, like an idiot. And now he was paying for it. 

"Sir?"

"Fifteen bucks."

And to think that his sister had said that moving was a bad career move. "Deal," John said. A few minutes later, Kon was dressed in a tight bartender's outfit, his pulsating pectorals pressing forcefully agains the shirt, straining the buttons. John, on the other hand, was drowning in Kon's clothes, and made his way to the Kent table to take his place.

"Are you sure this will work?" John asked. "We don't look much alike."

"Don't worry about it," Kon reassured the pale, sandy haired man as he smoothed his own vest down and ran a hand through his jet black hair. "Clark's a rube, he won't notice."

Kon swaggered over to the bar, and leaned sexfully against it. A scant few seconds later he caught the attention of a petit patron waving him over. 

"One latte," Tim said seductively. 

Kon smirked. "Well, well. What's a pretty little thing like you doing here all alone?"

"Sir, please," Tim said coyly. "You are being rather forward."

"I can be a lot more than that," Kon purred, basking in the blush that tinted Tim's cheeks. God, roleplay was the best. "One latte, coming up."

Kon reached over and raunchily poured the dark liquid into the cup, before sexily steaming the milk. Then, slowly, keeping his eyes on Tim, he orgasmically added the milk into the cup, slowly forming latte art resembling a large...ahem. 

Tim took the cup with shaking hands and was about to the cup to his mouth, before a screech interrupted him. Both boys turned to see none other than Clark, his eyes popping in horror. "Conner Kent! Stop right this minute!"

Beside Clark stood the beleagured bartender. "Sorry mate," he said apologetically. "But your kid brother ratted me out, he thought I'd kidnapped you and took your place."

Clark stormed forward and loomed over the boys, only to flinch away when he saw the lewd latte art at Tim's lips. "Timothy, no!" Clark cried, snatching the cup and pushing it down the bar, away from Tim, and consequently at Jason, who was waiting in anticipation at the end of the bar. 

"What's going on?" Bruce asked, coming over. He quickly took in Kon in the bartender's outfit, Tim's blush, the phallic latte, and a teary Clark. "Tim, come here," he directed. Tim gulped, but went and stood next to Bruce. "For the remainer of the evening, you shall hold my hand, and keep all thoughts of Conner out of your mind. Clark, I trust that you will punish Conner appropriately?"

Clark directed guit-inducing cow eyes at Kon. "Conner Kent, just you wait till we get home! I'll have you shovelling cow dung till next summer! How could you perform such...lustful activities at a wedding, the purest of occasions!?"

"Oh, give over, Clark, you know what happens after a wedding, right? Dick and Wally are going to bang-"

"Daddy, why would Uncle Wally bang Uncle Dick?" Jon asked fearfully. "Are they going to fight?"

 

"Egads," Damian muttered. "Come away with me, Little Kent," he said quickly. "Pay no mind to your boor of a brother."

Mentally thanking Damian, Clark turned back to Conner. "Young man, you ar ein so much trouble. When we get home, you are going to go and shuck the corn cobs by hand-"

"Are you sure about the corn, dear?" Lois asked, making a gesture as to the shape of the corn.

"GASP! Lois, not you too!"

"I'm just saying, Clark. You can't punish him with corn or carrots. Or cucumbers. Or eggplants. What else do you grow?"

"Lois Ann Lane!"

The rest of Clark's grief was drowned out when Wally instructed the DJ to please, for the love of God, start the music.

***

"What a great day," Dick sighed happily, relaxing into Wally's chest. 

"Indeed, it was a wonderful event," Damian said, from where he was relaxing into Dick. "Very classy, befitting of a Wayne. I also managed to negotiate a good bride price for West."

"You paid for me?" Wally asked, touched. "How much?"

"I have pledged that the first kitten that my cat has shall go to the Allen family," Damian replied. "It was a fitting deal."

Dick sniggered and nuzzled Wally's chest with his nose. It was the perfect end to a perfect day. He was married now, and lounging with the back of the car with his family, on the way home. The next morning, he and Wally would head to the Bahamas for their honeymoon.

For now though, Dick was content to bask in the happiness of his family. 

Jason had finally managed to get a quickie in with Roy in the broom closet, even if they had lost their balance and upended a mop bucket. 

Bruce had successfully kept Tim glued to his side for the rest of the evening, and Tim had had to settle for throwing thirsty looks across the hall to Kon, who was also forced to hold Clark's meaty and as a punishment. 

Even now, Tim was sat next to Bruce, trapped under Bruce's hefty arm and wedged into his side. Dick could not help but liken the sight to Timon and Pumba. 

Only Cass had managed to fly under the radar, and had emerged from behind the desert cart smelling like Stephanie's perfume before feigning innocence and cozying back over to her family. 

Their family had grown by one - no. One Wally, one Barry, and one Bart, because when you got one Flash, you got all the Flashes. But it was fine, Dick thought, pressing a tiny kiss to Wally's chin and getting a rewarding giggle in return - there was more than enough love to go around.


End file.
